Her husband had been admitted in the hospital.
He requested her to come with a book he loves to read when she comes to visit him next. He looked so frail.
At home, she looked in his box of books where he told her the book will be.
That was when she food an old book with a black cover. His diary.
She’s never seen the book before. He must have kept it well hidden. It was at the bottom of the box.
She began to read it.
“Day one of our marriage. God I just want to thank You for the wife you have given me. Tonight is our honeymoon but she looks so exhausted. I don’t think we will make love but it doesn’t matter. She is mine for life. I have just kissed her forehead and I will make love to her tomorrow morning. Walk with us in this marriage”
As she read those words, it all made sense. That honeymoon night, he did not make love to her, not because he didn’t want her, but because he thought to let her rest because she looked exhausted. All this time, she had been thinking he doesn’t find her sexy from the first day of their marriage.
She perused through more pages of the diary.
“God, I am scared. Today my wife and I had our first nasty argument and it was ugly. I have never seen that side of her. She shouted at me and called me names. I wanted to insult her back but I couldn’t, I love her. I cannot believe a small misunderstanding led to this big fight. Help her to forgive me for how she feels I did wrong. I forgive her. I know she can be a little emotional so help me handle her emotions. I don’t have to win fights, teach me to keep quiet when I need to”
She remembered that fight, how she called him good for nothing because he forgot to take out the trash and she found him filling up a crossword puzzle. She never said sorry for that.
She continued perusing.
“Lord, I feel lonely. Ever since we got a child I feel neglected as a husband, my wife has no time for me. My fear is that we might never get back to the warmth we used to have but I will try. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for our first born, I am not complaining. It is insensitive not to appreciate that being a mother is demanding. I just miss my wife”
She read that and a tear fell to the book.
She continued to read.
“Lord, I need your help. I am sinking into debt just to pay our house rent and to raise a family. I can’t tell my wife that my pay has been cut, she already has a lot on her mind and she keeps telling me that I should be a man and take care of the bills and not stress her. Lord, shylocks are after me, I am running away from Omosh and Stevo, they want their money back. Please help me pay my debts. I really want to provide for my family”
She couldn’t believe what she put her husband at that time.
She continued to read.
“Lord, what happened to my wife? She keeps accusing me falsely. If I delay coming home for ten minutes, she concludes I am cheating. She has snooped my phone and found no evidence of cheating. How can I make her more secure?
I need her to believe me. Please show her that some of the lady friends she hangs out with are not good. They keep feeding her lies”
She remembered Becky, Ngendo and Achieng. How her husband was right about those three ladies, those friendships never lasted.
“Lord, help. Today I did the unthinkable. I went back to drinking. God I hate myself right now. It had been nine years since I drunk and I am sorry for breaking the vow. Please keep me from going back to that man. I tried to confide in my wife about it for her to help me but it only made it worse. I guess it’s You and me alone to deal with this.
She put the book down and took a deep breath.
She flipped the pages some more.
“My God, I feel hopeless. My wife has threatened to quit on our marriage. I am scared of losing her and all we have, she says she is no longer happy in this marriage. Where did we mess up? Where did I mess up? Please help me fight for my marriage. I thought of committing suicide today but I can’t put our children through that pain. I know dying will break my wife’s heart even though she has gone cold on me”
She started crying.
She got herself together and looked at more pages in the book.
“Lord, today I saw a counsellor and I had a good session. I learnt a lot on how to communicate and to deal with my temper. From today, I am a new man”
She got shocked to find our her husband went for counselling.
“Lord, You are so good! Today my wife and I went out on a date for the first time in five years, it was beautiful. She made me feel like she did when we were getting to know each other. I think we are returning back to our first love. We even prayed. She kissed my forehead and made fun of my bald head. I have never laughed like I did today watching her dancing like a cartoon. I have such a cheeky wife, imagine she pinched my butt. I will never ever forget this day”
She started laughing. She found herself blushing.
She read on.
“Lord, how do I break this news to my wife? She complains that I don’t make love to her as much, what she doesn’t know is that I have prostrate cancer and I am worried. I am scared of telling her this, she already has so much on her mind. Please heal me. I want to live long”
She broke down and let all her tears out. She felt for husband. He had all these things inside him and struggled to tell her. She should have been his diary.
She had to see him.
She got the book he wanted and run to the car.
She drove to the hospital remembering the ups and downs in their marriage, all the memories they shared. She cannot lose him.
She reached the hospital, rushed to his bed, hugged his frail body.
“I love you so much!” she told him.
Are you your spouse’s diary? Does your spouse find you easy to talk to? What if you got to know your spouse’s inner thoughts? So many married people feel lonely and misunderstood in their marriage, don’t let your spouse be one of them. Marriage is about companionship, emotionally be there for each other, you have a limited time together. Marriage happens only here on Earth.
©️ Dayan Masinde