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Sometime in February, I asked my son to dress up properly because we are going out. He askef if he should tell his sisters to dress up too and I said no – We are going out on a date! Just two of us!

His emotions were mixed I guess. The excitement of going out for a meal and the embarrassment of being seen with your mum at 15. 😇
Going out with me of course also meant dressing properly, no falling trousers, proper shoes, proper hair, smelling good etc etc 😂

It was shortly after Valentine’s day and I had  a little skit with Mr Man. I also had seen some stories on domestic violence and abuse by some men on their women and I realised that a lot of effort goes to training women on how they should act but never the men.

Before getting into the car, l stood by the door and asked him to open my door for me.
“Why?” He asked

“Because it is what a gentleman would do” I say. “Don’t you see your father open doors for me when we go out?” He affirmed.

After some eye rolling, he came and opened the door for me and went to his seat. I drove to a restaurant and when we got there, he opened the door, and got down. I honk and motion for him to come to my side. More eyes rolling. He opened the door for me while staring into space.

“Please take my arm and help me out of the car” I say. He looked at me like l am out of my mind. He obliged and grabed my hand with a sigh.

“When you open the door for me, you have to watch that l do not miss my step” I said. “Do you understand why you must pay attention?” He nodded

“Will you hold my handbag and hold my arm as we walk?” I asked

There I got a categoric “NO”. 😂😂

I decided not to push him.

When we got to the restaurant, he walked to his table and sat down.

I cleared my throat.

“What now?” He asked looking exasperated.

“Please pull out my chair” I said.

More rolling of eyes. He got up pulled out my chair. I sat and he adjusted it for me.

His meal arrived before mine and before he wanted to start eating even without saying Grace 🤦🏾‍♀️ “No sir you can’t wolf down your food. You have to wait for mine to get here so we can eat together”… I said

Frustration but hey…you are with mum.

…and then we talked. We really talked. I told him as a man, it is his responsibility to treat a woman right. To take care of and protect his sisters and in the same way protect any future woman he will marry.

You see, everyday we “educate” the girl child. We teach them how to talk, walk, how to avoid being victims but we never teach the boys how not to be perpetrators of such crimes.

It is time that we as parents started educating our boys on what it means to be a man and possibly a future father.
It is time we started talking to them and understanding their frustrations rather than leaving them to take it out on defenseless females.

The men who rape are our children.
The men who harass are our children.
The men who beat up women are our children.

The grown ups may have failed but we have a chance to save the next generation.







Akudo Mgbemere

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