Many have fallen casualty to this arrangement: – marrying who you’re not comfortable with her status, start training, and afterwards, only to receive you’re not my class or been snatched away by richer, younger and better placed men.
One musician, Prince Nikko Mbaga sang a song of one Christiana who was to be trained by a man before marrying her.
At graduating, Christiana was asked to prepare Sunday for much awaited wedding.
She said he can’t marry the man, the trainer.. He was not her type.
But she begged for this education, that it was because her father was poor that she couldn’t go to school.
Around 2009, a mid 20year man asked me what it takes financially to train someone in UNIPORT?
He buys cements about 10bags and retail plus pegs and tapes for building.
So l bought him few bags was using to complete my fence.
When he asked the question in his shop, his age mate babe was wriggling/climbing over him from the back.
So, I ask, “why asking?”, ” who is training?”, “who is to be trained?”, ” which course?” because all courses are not same weight.
He replies, “I want to send my girlfriend to university, to read medicine, after graduating, we marry”. Then, my follow-up, “are you a graduate?” “No”, he answered.
I thanked the Holy Spirit for holding me from not showing discountenance and disapproval of a struggling young man training a non-wife, just a girlfriend in Medicine of all courses.
I asked have you married her? If no, why not do that first?
He retorted, No, I want her to finished MBBS (Medicine, not English, with due respect) first.
I told him I will tell you the cost later, which I didn’t.
*What’s My Argument?*
I’ve in the church and society seen many of these irreparable situations “I (woman) can no longer marry you (man)” because the girl has finished university, and is now a woman, not a girl as at when entering university/ polytechnic.
This Cameroon couple is one out of 1000 out there. I’m of the opinion that there are things parents should do to their daughters and if not done, the husbands if chose to marry her without minding should not bother doing more. One is basic education.
If a man wants “bukuru” educated woman, choose from that class, and forget marry and train.
You can support/train your wives in your house, not outside.
From experiences I have seen, I can say 1 in 100 succeed in training a girl and after that, marrying them.
If they finally agree, without refusing your class, you need to contend strongly for the marriage not going divorce.
Women are more class conscious/driven than men.
You may have a girl you train before marrying if you train her on non competitive disciplines or courses that are mere let me go and get a degree.
If you train her on competitive courses like Law, Medicine, Pharmacy, Nursing nowadays, Architecture, International Relations, Engineering, Computer Science, and she really know what she read or is brilliant, YOUR NAME IS SORRY.
If she read Literature, Igbo, Yoruba,, Hausa, English, Biology, Education, etc, you don’t have much problems, she will return to you unless she is glamorous, charming, elegant/beautiful and above-all like men, then “NDO” (sorry).
In London and Europe generally and US, it’s a common practice where women joined their husband and dumped them there, divorce and even arrange for killing them.
The trouble is avoidable. Marry as you “see am”, already made.
If a woman professor, engineer, doctor is your need, they’re there in shelves, take it.
If any how person you want, take it. Don’t train. Train your daughter into that, not wife.
That’s the solution to matters of the heart.