THE ONSET NO … SAYING NO, IS NOT A CRIME

 THE ONSET NO … SAYING NO, IS NOT A CRIME

The phrase ONSET NO means the ability to stand your ground and reject what you believe is not in your best interest before things begin to get bad.

The word NO is defined as refusal, disagreeing or not accepting something, somebody, situations, laws/rules, etc.
It is not good enough to say NO when things are already bad but to say it at the appropriate time (onset).

Saying NO at the onset can save you from making a huge mistake in life.
You don’t have to wait until your hands are tied, have committed yourself, or until the deeds have been done, before saying NO. You should as fast as possible be able to detect that danger signal on time and act fast.

Saying NO is not a crime. Yes, it is never a crime to say NO.
It is not an offense to say NO with good reasons.
You have not broken any law when you say NO to things that are against your will.
One can still be a good person with a kind heart and still say NO (Lori Deschene).
You have the right to say NO when you ought to.

Say NO to something that makes you angry, unhappy and drains your energy. Do that without feeling guilty.
You should not always say yes, when you are meant to say NO. You should also not allow people, friends, peer pressure to make you say yes to your own detriment.
Stop saying yes to people at the expense of your emotional well-being. If that thing is not okay with you, do not accept.

God knows the importance of saying NO, which is why some times we pray, we will not get answers to our prayers. He has checked and seen that giving us that thing that we have asked at that moment will cause us harm.

If people can say ‘NO’ to you, then you should also learn to say ‘NO’ to them too when necessary.

Things we should say NO to:

  • Indecent dressing
  • Sexual harassment and molestation
  • Co-habitation and premarital sex
  • Laziness
  • Antisocial behaviours
  • Fraud (Internet or physical)
  • Making money by any foul means possible

INDECENT DRESSING

For the Guys, learn to say NO to indecent dressing such as sagging that shows your underwear.
For the Ladies, learn how to cover yourselves very well now and you will grow to be responsible and well-dressed adults.
Some ladies take delight in exposing their breast. That is what is trending now. It is the fashion in vogue. My question is; if you are to have sores, injury, or damage on that breast, will you take pride to expose it?

All those half naked dressings in the name of fashion, exposing boobs and other private parts of the body in the street or post such pictures on Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, etc., just to attract 200 likes and may be 300 comments saying that ‘’you are beautiful’’ and you just say ‘’thank you’’. Did it bring money to the table? Did it bring husband for you? Your private part should be kept private.
If you have bad legs or severe leg spots/damage, will you be proud to wear hot mini skirt? These are all we need to put into consideration and say NO to them.

ONSET NO TO SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND MOLESTATION

By putting a stop to watching pornographic films, pictures, going to night clubs. Quit that relationship that arouses you. And to avoid any harassment, molestation or rape, avoid dressing provokingly, visiting a male friend alone, walking in dark or lonely places alone especially in the night, avoid keeping late nights.

NO TO LAZINESS

Get a work/job and keep busy. If there is no white collar job, learn a handwork or business, do menial jobs. Just do something to keep busy. If you are fortunate to be working, do not spend unnecessarily on frivolities.
There is nothing that squanders a guy’s money than the attitude of having numerous girlfriends, clubs, excessive drinking, etc.

Some guys, once they start making a little money, the first thing in their mind is to get a girlfriend and start lavishing the money on girls, sponsoring their education when they are not even sure the girl/s will still marry them after school.

NO TO CO-HABITATION AND PREMARITAL SEX

Say NO to cohabitation and save your parents/well-wishers the stress of praying for you day and night to get married. Whereas, you have already joined yourself with someone in marriage.

When you cohabit with someone, it makes it difficult for the man to hurry and pay your bride price.
He proposes to you and you said yes and the next, you start sleeping with him (fornication).

Many abandoned children are everywhere as a result of co-habitation / premarital sex.
Some babies are being dumped in gutters, dustbins, flushed in toilets, terminated with dangerous drugs, etc. Just because of the failure of saying NO at the onset.

If you know you will terminate that pregnancy and murder that baby, why carrying the pregnancy for 9 months and undergoing the pains of childbirth?
Why not leave the baby with motherless babies home?
Why cutting short the life of that child?

Those that advice you to go and flush that baby away, if you were flushed out like that, would you have been alive today?
You don’t have rights over someone’s life. Every child deserves to live.
Doctors, nurses and pharmacists here please say NO to killing of innocent children through bad prescription of abortion drugs and the likes.

Remember, you could have been aborted too by your parents. But if they spared your life and allowed you to see the beauty of this life and call them mama/papa, please also be merciful to give that baby a privilege to live.
Ladies, any man that pressurizes you for sex wants to ruin your life, happiness, career, future, etc. do not only say NO, but flee. He is not worthy of you.

CONSEQUENCES OF NOT SAYING NO

Being unable to say NO can make you –
Exhausted, Stressed, Sick, Angry, Disappointments, Rejections,
Contract Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), which if not well handled can lead to infertility /impotence, long term or life term infection, and even death
irritable and fear of facing people’s disappointment.
Those who never say ‘NO’ to people are not happy within themselves. They are sometimes sad with their decisions. That is, they please others and displease themselves, thereby hurting themselves.

You cannot buy affection even if you say ‘YES or NO’ to people. A person that will leave you will still leave you no matter what.
They are not faithful people but fair weather friends.
Not having courage to say it.

HOW TO POLITELY SAY NO

This means, apologizing while still saying NO.
If you have problems with saying an outright ‘NO’, then choose a lesser/weaker NO. That is starting with a positive and ending with the negative. For instance, one can be apologetic and still be able to say NO as stated below.

Some of the ways one can say NO politely are (examples):

  • Oh, l would have come, but I am engaged.
  • No, thank you. I am honoured, but sorry l can’t.
  • I’m sorry I can’t help right now,
  • Sorry, now is not the best time for me
  • I appreciate your asking for friendship, but I am not interested.
  • I’m booked already. Maybe, some other time.
  • I’m sorry, thanks but l can’t accept anything right now.
  • Dear, I am really sorry, but l can’t lend you this now.
  • Darling, you are such a trustworthy person, you are good but l am sorry l can’t go with you.
  • Please, I apologize for hurting you, but do accept my refusal.
  • I do not intend to refuse you because you are such a wonderful fellow, but I can’t say YES to you now.
  • But the problem with a lesser/weaker NO is that, it gives room for the other person to pressurize you even more.

CONCLUSIONS

Always define your goals, relationships, work, contracts, etc. on time and act accordingly.
Also set your boundaries, rules at the beginning (ONSET) and let people know what you can take or not take.
Flee fornication.
Sex at the right place, (marriage)
Sex with the right person, (Couple)
Be a wife before you become a mother.
Be a husband, before you become a daddy.
Introduction is not wedding.
Engagement is not wedding.
Dating and courtship are not marriage
Will you marry me? Oh yes, I will……is not a wedding
His father and mother know me and call me his wife…..is not a wedding or a wedding guarantee.

Hear this friend; your fiancé/fiancée is not yet your wife/husband, until it is formalized.
Two of you do not own your bodies, until the right things are done. And the marriage blessed.
Marriage is the only license to have sex. If you cannot wait for the right time, please hurry and marry.

Make marriage beds first before making your babies. It is more enjoyable. Enjoy yourselves first (companion which is the main reason for the institution of marriage). When children start coming, responsibilities will start and at times, attentions tend to shift towards the Children. So marry first.

Do not be deceived with those lies that he wants to know if you are good in bed or if he can perform.
Ladies, do not give in to those dangerous trials and deceptive words, that he wants to know if you are fertile and can make babies

What if you do not conceive immediately?
Or the man has fertility problem?
What happens after tasting and nothing happened at your own predicted time? You will go to another man/woman for tasting? Bodies differ and so do conception.

If you say NO to sexual immoralities and she/he leaves you, you will not die and will you lose your prestige…. 💯. Unless you committed suicide and that is totally wrong. It is the highest form of wickedness against oneself. You don’t have to right to end your life. Allow God to do it at His own desired time.

Yes, it may pain you if he/she leaves you, but give it time, you will be healed and will come out better.
Ask those that lost their beloved ones (like husband, wife, kids, parent, etc) they will tell you that they thought they will die. BUT DID NOT DIE at the end.

So what makes you now think that you will die if he / she leaves that relationship that you have not even committed so much to, just b.c you said NO???
Think twice…BE WISE!

TAKE HOME ADVICE

You don’t have to be a yes-yes man/woman.
Learn to say goodbye to being a people pleaser.
Learn to confidently say NO with good reasons without feeling bad or guilty about it.
Do not waste opportunities given to you in this life.
You can still be a good person with a kind heart and still say NO at the onset.
Stand your ground; resist pressure from people against your will.
Be apologetic while still saying NO politely and at same time, confidently turn down things that are uncomfortable to you and more especially, that annoys God.

Akudo Mgbemere

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